Color Me Happy is all about anger management, releasing stress, and anxiety in children~

Posts tagged ‘Psychology’

Is Your Life Vibrant and Colorful?

a feelhappierlight shine 4

Express yourself. Inject energetic colors into the atmosphere at work and at home. If not in dress, then in words and deeds. The world has enough grey! Be the antidote! Everything seems simpler from a distance. Sometimes you simply need to distance yourself to see things more clearly. You are more than whatever is troubling you. A very real part of you exists beyond your worries, beyond your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the present moment. Step back and observe yourself as you experience each moment. Be present. Watch yourself as you think, as you take action, as you experience emotions. Your body may experience pain, and yet that pain is not you. Your mind may encounter troubles, and yet you are not those troubles. Think of the most difficult challenge you face right now. Imagine that it’s not you, but a close friend who is facing this challenge. What advice would you give her? If you could step back and, instead of being the subject, look at your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any differently? Think of the advice you would give your friend if your friend were in your shoes. Are you following your own best advice right now?
Don’t allow your current troubles to cloud your thinking. Take a few steps back and give yourself the benefit of this distance, and then give yourself some great advice.
Stop wondering why people keep hurting you. Ask yourself, “Why am I continuously allowing this to happen?” Speak up. Stand up for yourself. Sometimes we suffer, not because of the violence others inflict on us, but because of our own silence.
It is nearly impossible for anyone, even the most ineffective among us, to continue to choose a life of tedious grief after becoming fully enlightened to the fact that ineffectiveness is a choice. It is the direct outcome of unproductive beliefs and behaviors.
“It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. As you heal and grow, it will all work out. Relax and trust yourself.” Repeat that in your mind every morning. Because the truth is, it all works out in the end. Put your full trust in yourself by following your intuition and doing your best, and then move forward one step at a time with faith and confidence in the future. Life will not forsake you. Love, persistence and hard work combined rarely lead a person astray in the long run. If you have faith in your abilities, if you stay true to the path that feels right, if you channel your passion into action, you will ultimately achieve a breakthrough. In other words, as soon as you trust yourself you will know how to heal and grow.

How to Make Lifelong Transformations in Your Life~

make it happen

“Wisely, and slow. They stumble that run fast.” – William Shakespeare

How many times have you rushed into making changes in your life……a habit change, learning a new skill……only to have it flop?

It’s not just the New Year’s Resolution Syndrome……it happens too often at all times of the year, that we run out of steam or get discouraged and give up.

But here’s the secret, and I won’t charge you $29.95 for it: GO SLOWLY…….yup.

This little change has more power than most people realize. It will help to learn any skill, from martial arts to art to computer activities. It will help form habits that are long-lasting. Slowing down will help you become more effective and ironically, help reach goals faster.

If you’ve ever tried Tai Chi……famous for its series of slow movements and poses, you’ve felt the power of slow. The slower you go in Tai Chi, the better, for many reasons. One effect of this slowness is that you perfect the movements. And your body adapts, forming muscle memories that will last when (and if) you decide to speed up the movements.

It’s as if your body and mind are forming a groove through continual repetition of the movements. If you move quickly, you’ll be erratic, and the groove will be much more difficult to form. If you move slowly, you can learn to move in exactly the same pattern, in a more precise way, and a groove will form. Once the groove is formed, it becomes easier. It’s now habit, unconscious memory, and automatic.

This is habit formation, and usually it’s done without thought. When we drive home and our minds are on something else, but we make the right motions to get home anyway … this is habit, this is our minds and bodies going in a groove we’ve formed by doing these actions so many times before.

The groove is best formed by going slow, at first.

This applies to anything: exercise, eating healthy, creating art, becoming a patient parent, carpentry, reading. Slow is the secret to making it last. And no, that’s not meant to be dirty.

Some of the reasons slow works, besides forming a groove:

1. Mindfulness. When you do something slowly, you can pay more attention to what you’re doing. I highly recommend that when you make changes, you do them mindfully, with full concentration. This increased awareness is necessary in the beginning, when you’re still forming the groove. Later, it’ll become automatic, but at first it’s anything but. You need to pay attention, and you can do this better when you do it slower.

2. You hold yourself back. Holding ourselves back is often considered a bad thing, but it’s not. It’s the best thing we can do, if we want changes to last. When we start a new change, often we are full of enthusiasm. But then we go all out and use up all of that enthusiasm, and run out of motivation or energy or get distracted by something else. But when you hold yourself back, you build up enthusiasm and keep it going for much longer…….through that dreaded 2-3 week barrier when people often quit. So even if you want to run 3 miles at first, start with walking and then run-walking (in intervals), and only do a mile or so. You’ll want to do more, but stop yourself. Save that enthusiasm for next time.

3. You learn it right. Doing something slowly means you can learn to do it correctly, without being erratic, and later as it becomes second nature you’ll do it the right way. The importance is obvious in something like martial arts, but it’s also true in any physical activity. And every activity is physical (and mental).

4. Increased focus. When you do something slowly, you tend to do just one thing. It’s hard to multi-task and do something slowly…….they don’t mix well. When you single-task, you can focus, instead of always being distracted. This leads to increased effectiveness.

5. Calm. Slow is calmer. Fast is hectic. Go slow to get rid of the chaos, and find peace.

“Slow down, everyone. You’re moving too fast.” – Jack Johnson

Is It Possible To Be Happy All The Time?

 happy after they are gone

The last time I left you to ponder on What Is Stopping You From Being Happy?

Now this week’s question is…….. “Is it possible to be happy all the time?”

Happiness and the method to achieve it has been thrown around for thousands of years, with millions of people, promising a million different ways of how to be happy.

But what does it mean to be happy?

Not everyone’s definition of happiness is the same, because everyone has different desires that they want to be fulfilled.  An idea that comes in moments rather than being an end result, right?

If happiness is something that comes in moments, how do we turn those moments into permanent destinations?

Is it possible to be happy all the time?

I’m not so sure. I am going to say more than likely, no. I don’t know about you, but if I were happy all the time, something would feel wrong. Not because finding happiness and fulfillment isn’t the most sought after feeling in the world, it most definitely is, but because were not made that way.

The problem of desires

What I mean is that we are made up of what we desire, essentially. We consistently seek pleasure while doing the best we can to avoid pain. Anytime we move to do anything, we do so because there is a desire of pleasure to come of it. Some of these pleasures come naturally to us and don’t really seem like pleasures but without them we would be in pain.

So, we seek out ways to keep our desires filled and try to find ways of how to fill the bigger desires, always looking for more pleasure. But that’s how it should be. We are humans and we want to feel pleasure, we want to be happy.

The problem with the constant need to feel pleasure, is that once we fill a desire, it starts to fade and a new desire forms. Here’s an example: I wait all year to go to my favorite vacation spot. When the time gets close, I get more and more excited. I am ready, I know I’ll have fun, I have all kinds of activities planned. Once I get to my desired destination and do everything I was so excited to do there, I feel happy.

But then what happens? The vacation comes to a close and it’s time to come home. Back to reality, we say. As I think about it though, I am actually glad to get back to my “normal” life. The activities were fun, but I am tired, sore, sunburned and need to rest.

My desire has changed from wanting to have the greatest time of my life, to wanting to just go home and sleep in my own bed. The point here is that because I filled my desire, I no longer need it. It goes away and a new one emerges.

This is happening on a constant basis. Sure, I will get the urge for another vacation sooner or later (probably sooner), but more than likely, I will want to do something different or go somewhere new.

Why happiness is an elusive idea

Since happiness comes in moments due to a desire that becomes fulfilled and then fades away, you could say that happiness is an elusive idea. Perhaps that’s why we always hear about someone’s pursuit of happiness. Now, just because happiness seems like an elusive goal, does not mean it is, let me explain.

The elusiveness that I speak of is merely the way in which our desires are fulfilled and then reprieved, as if to say that happiness comes and then goes in spurts or moments, as I mentioned earlier. Knowing this can allow you to be happy in your life before, during, and after your pursuit of it, whether you are able to fill certain desires or not.

Why it doesn’t matter if you win or lose

What matters is that you know the game, so to speak, of what it takes to be happy. To be happy is to be content with the fact that no matter if a desire is filled, or a goal failed, or dream denied, you know that happiness is a constant journey. A journey that can take a brief second or a lifetime, depending on what you desire.

True happiness comes in those small moments, real happiness comes in knowing how to reach those moments. As long as you know this, you can live a lifelong adventure that is full of happiness, joy, and fulfillment.

What does it take?

Pleasure and pain. Happy and sad. The struggle of life. Just like Yin and Yang, to be happy we need to experience sadness. It is knowing what it takes to be happy in your life, that pushes you through the sad times. So what does it take?

  • Pursuit of …

Happiness comes in the pursuit. If you are constantly striving to progress in your life, to learn, to be inspired, and to be happy, you will set yourself up for a life of happiness.

The desires you crave are waiting for you to fill them. Do what makes you happy, find your passions, strive to be your best, and you will relish in the moments of joy that come with a desire fulfilled.

  • Listen to …

Your body, mind, and spirit are constantly developing desires and aspirations, searching for ways to bring them into fruition. Listening to your inner voice will take you on a path dedicated to progress, to learn, to enjoy…life.

  • Work with …

Work with others who seek the same desires in life as you. Find an environment that lets you learn, grow, and be inspired.

Connecting with people of similar passions is one of the best ways to stay focused on what you enjoy. The people you connect with are the ones who lift you up when your feeling down with their inspiration and guidance. You ultimately end up doing the same for them, whether you realize it or not.

What it Means to Live through Desires

Knowing that happiness is a journey; knowing where joy comes in the form of fulfilled desires (and that it comes in moments), will allow you to feel a sense of gratitude throughout your path.

Remember that you will not always be happy, but can feel better knowing that you are in constant pursuit of reaching your dreams, both big and small.

Living through your desires will allow you to do what you never thought you were capable of, and see a side of yourself you never knew existed. You’ll be a part of something greater – which will lead you down a path of never ending possibilities.

Your life is what you make of it. As long as you see what leads you to happiness, you will never stop pursuing it.

Through search and pursuit, listening and learning, connecting and helping, your journey through life will be one of fulfillment. To keep moving forward is the key.

Find joy in the moments, clarity in times of sorrow, and happiness in the rewards of the path.

How To Tap into The Greatness That exixts in YOU~

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We all tend to admire great people. People that have shaped the way the world is through their personal courage like Gandhi, or Nelson Mandela. Or others who have shaped the way we think, like Albert Einstein or Plato. And then there are those who inspire us because they overcame their limitations, like great athletes, or artists, or writers, or entrepreneurs, or discoverers, or inventors.
Compared with these giants of mankind, our lives can seem insignificant. But in fact, greatness is hidden within all of us. We just need to bring it out.

Are these three things holding you back?
1. We believe that we have limits.
I’m sure you can remember your parents or your teachers say something that implied that you’re somehow mediocre. Maybe they said that you weren’t intelligent enough, or talented enough, or -well – simply not good enough.

2. We buy into social myths.
When people say that we are too young, or too old, or too stupid, or that we are the wrong gender, to achieve our dreams – we tend to believe them. Greatness means transcending social norms. It means letting go of what other people think we can or can’t achieve. Remember that it’s not your business what others think about you.

3. We harbor secret self doubts.
What do you really feel about yourself? Are you confident – or do you have self-doubts? Lack of confidence saps the energy we need to make our life into something of value – not just for ourselves, but for those whose lives we touch. Our self-doubts are the negative voices that we heard from others when we were little. We not only internalize these negative messages, we’ve tend to amplify them. A good starting point for letting go of self-doubts is to actually notice the negative messages in your mind. Awareness is the first step of change.

Here’s how to bring out the greatness within:
• Trust your dream
Greatness comes in many sizes. Greatness means that you become fully yourself and transcend your doubts and perceived limitations. Greatness doesn’t mean that you need to do huge things. It means that whatever you do, you pour into it your complete being.
• Gear up with passion.
Passion is what gives us the strength to follow our dreams. It’s the powerhouse that can uncover our hidden greatness. Because passion drives us forward and allows us to overcome setbacks and obstacle.
• Don’t thrash.
Imagine a boating accident where everyone falls overboard. Who do you think has the best chance of survival – the one who’s in panic and thrashes around, or the one who thinks clearly about the best strategy -whether it’s safer to cling to the wreck, to swim to shore, or to stay afloat until rescue arrives? My money would be on the resourceful one who conserve energy and make a plan. The same principle is important when overcoming hardship. Don’t thrash – create a survival plan instead.
• Get up after falling.
Failure and making mistakes are inevitable – if you’re human. Just look at how often toddlers fall over when they learn to walk. I think the reason many of us give up after initial problems is because failure seems to reinforce hidden self-doubts. Actually, making mistakes means that you are learning. One way to increase success is to increase your failure rate. Because each so-called failure overcome is a step forward towards actualizing your dream.
• Count your blessings.
Sometimes we tend to focus on difficulties, and not on what is going well. That can get us down, instead of lifting us up. I know someone who described her life as two steps back and one step forward because of her lack of confidence. Sounds familiar? But the amazing thing is that she is in the process of completing a PHD. What that means is that she has already gone through a huge, successful journey of getting to where she is. However, her self-doubts are preventing her from actually seeing how well she’s doing – even though she’s got challenges to overcome.
• Don’t listen to the knockers
Many people are quite negative because they feel bad about themselves. They want to pull down achievers to their own level. Remember that their criticism of you is just an expression of their own self-doubts and fears.
• Put your heart, soul, and sweat into your dreams.
Great people work incredibly hard – success doesn’t come by accident. I recently got an email, saying, “I want to be successful without having to do much.” Sorry, friend – but that’s not how it works!

A Change Of Plans~

i can do it!

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found myself packing rather hurriedly.
This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it.
I’m talking about my annual “Guilt Trip.”
I got tickets to fly there on “WISHIHAD” airlines. It was an extremely short flight.
I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what might have been.
No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town.
As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year’s most important event, the Annual Pity Party.
I wasn’t going to miss that great social occasion. Many of the towns leading citizens would be there.
First, there would be the Done family, you know, Should Have, Would Have and Could Have.
Then came the I Had family.
You probably know ol’ Wish and his clan.
Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost.
The biggest family would be the Yesterday’s. There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share.
Then Shattered Dreams would surely make and appearance.
And It’s Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don’t Blame Me and I Couldn’t Help It.
Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed.
But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent “pity party” could be cancelled by ME!
I started to truly realize that I did not have to be there. I didn’t have to be depressed.
One thing kept going through my mind, I can’t change yesterday, but I do have the power to make today a wonderful day.
I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging. Knowing this, I left the City of Regret immediately and left no forwarding address.
Am I sorry for mistakes I’ve made in the past? YES! But there is no physical way to undo them.
So, if you’re planning a trip back to the City of Regret, please cancel all your reservations now. Instead, take a trip to a place called, Starting Again.
I liked it so much that I have now taken up permanent residence there. My neighbors, the I Forgive Myself and the New Starts are so very helpful.
By the way, you don’t have to carry around heavy baggage, because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival.
God bless you in finding this great town. If you can find it — it’s in your own heart — please look me up.
I live on ICANDOIT street.
“I can’t change yesterday, but I do have the power to make today a wonderful day.” — Anonymous

Tips On How To Be Happy~

happy best

Is there some secret that those who always seem happy are hiding? Not at all.

They just have a way of turning negative into positive. Below are a few ways you to can start bringing more happiness and less negativity into your life.

Take care of yourself physically. It’s much easier to be optimistic when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

Be thankful. Stresses and challenges don’t seem as terrible when you remind yourself of the things that are right in life.

Don’t Assume. Don’t waste time worrying that you did something incorrect unless you have evidence that there is something to worry about.

Don’t use absolutes. Thinking and talking in absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’ makes the situation appear worse than it is.

Think positively. Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don’t follow it.

Get and give hugs. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up.

Increase your social activity. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

Volunteer. Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

Don’t dwell on the negative. It’s never productive, because it’s not rational or solution-oriented; it’s just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

Practice does indeed make perfect. Before long, the above traits will become automatic. You will look back and realize how far you have come. You will have become one of the ones people look to for the “secret” of happiness.

How To Help Kids Manage Their Anger~

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A child’s feelings are more often than not displayed in their behavior.

While a child is angry they may smash their toys, yell or pitch a fit. Children are not always appropriately vocal about their emotions but their actions are often louder than words.

Anger management for kids is obtainable and is useful in dealing with a child’s troubles with rage. Teaching these skills may necessitate a little research and experimenting.

There are books, movies and an abundance of useful information provided by sites on the Internet.

A child will not profit from an adult anger management support group, nor will they benefit from taking an adult-style anger management class.

Their minds are not established a sufficient amount to candidly talk about their feelings. In actuality they may not understand what’s happening themselves. A counselor cannot wait for a child to open up and tell them what is making them angry. This may never happen.

Teaching them positive morals and tolerable conduct through a variety of games would be a great deal more successful than a one-on-on session with an anger management counselor.

Providing them with worksheets, coloring pages, puzzles and quizzes would make the anger management lessons more appealing and pleasurable. Children can in reality be participating in a program without in fact realizing it. Anger management is a difficult idea to make clear to young children.

A child needs to become skilled at how to act properly in different situations.

The have to know that it is absolutely fine to be upset but they must as well comprehend that this anger must not be used in a negative manner.

Teaching kids anger management skills near the beginning of life will provide building blocks for their future. Through repetitious activities and practices, kids will eventually learn anger management techniques.

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