Color Me Happy is all about anger management, releasing stress, and anxiety in children~

Posts tagged ‘Parent’

HOW Well Do We Know the People in Our Life?

hearthand

You see………I seek to get to know people in my life so much better… when I understand and really know people I can love them more and judge them far less. And when I get to know others I can learn so much about myself because everyone in my life reflects an aspect of me. Some aspects need loving, some need healing and some just need to be.

HOW well do we know the people in our life?

As with everything, knowledge is power.

And when we know people well we feel empowered… we feel better connected.

So much of our disillusionment and disappointment comes about when we superficially make judgments about people… put them on pedestals which they bound to fall off…decide they are this or that.

But if we wish deeper connection with someone and really want to love them for who they are and not so much about what they initially reflect in us then we need to go deeper.

We need to find out about them.

We need to feel what it is like to be in their shoes.

And we need to include them in our lives.

The world is full of people who do not want to know others.

This gives their ego an inflated sense of power.

This gives their ego protection.

But it is all about superiority and fear that knowing someone might bring about a love of them.

It can be quite convenient for our leaders to define people by their labels.

It can be quite safe to put people in their own little box.

So we can shake hands with this person, hug this person but not this one or that.

But the more we get to know people the more we can see that they are really just like us.

We can see why they took this particular path and why they did not live up to our expectations… or did not appear to shine their light in the way we would have liked them to have done.

When we really get to know people we can love them for who they are… we can support them in what they are trying to do and hold their hand when they most need it to be held.

With great understanding comes great love.

Without understanding there can be little unconditional love… it is just a matter of liking or disliking.

And yet those we would appear to dislike are often those in most need of our love and understanding.

Those we are less likely to invite to the party, to include in our lives, are often the hearts that are most likely to pour out the love we so much seek.

It is in caring for people that our jewel is polished.

It is in knowing and understanding people that our diamond sparkles more.

And it is when we love people no matter what that we can become a gem in the world.

No one is not deserving of love.

No one should be deprived of love.

No one should be shunned, avoided, segregated or given up on.

Everyone has the potential to change from sitting in the grubby murky coal pit into the diamond mine where all sparkles and all glistens in beauty.

And, yes, everyone gets there in the end.

Everyone… yes, everyone… returns to love at the end of play… at the end of the day.

So let us get to know others… and in getting to know them we learn so much about ourselves.

I am so honored that you are allowing me to get to know you better… because when I get to know you better I so much learn about myself.

Each person reflects some aspect of ourselves… some aspects we need to know and love better, some that we need to heal and some we need to simply allow.

When we get to know people better our love deepens.

And so do we.

So dear and beautiful friend… do open your heart and share what is going on for you on this subject or any subject~

How To Build Up Your Child’s Self Esteem~

self esteemself love

Factors affecting children’s self esteem:

  • How much the child feels wanted, appreciated and loved
  • How your child sees himself, often built from what parents and those close say
  • His or her sense of achievement
  • How the child relates to others

Your child’s self esteem can be increased by you:

  • Appreciating your child Telling your child that you love them
  • Spending time with your child
  • Encouraging your child to make choices
  • Fostering independence in your children
  • Giving genuine importance to your child’s opinion and listening
  • Taking the time to explain reasons
  • Feeding your child with positive encouragement
  • Encouraging your child to try new and challenging activities

Appreciating your child:  A child’s self esteem will suffer if he or she is not appreciated. Children know if you are sincere or not. If you spend time together you must enjoy or there is no point. Show appreciation at all times. Tell your child you love him or her – this is appreciation. Thanking a child when he does something good is reward enough. Children like to please.

Encouragement : Esteem is boosted with your encouragement. Encourage decision-making……this will lead to a feeling of confidence and independence.

Praise: Self esteem comes from what you think about yourself, praise is external. I do not agree entirely with some who say praise creates kids addicted to it and then needing praise to feel good. Encouragement is better than praise. I was often told “could do better” and this lead me to feel no matter what I did it would not be good enough to please others.

Mutual respect: Children’s self esteem will be higher if you treat him or her seriously and with respect. Explain to the child everything and treat him as an intelligent individual able to understand and reach conclusions. You want to be treated like this and children are no different. A child who is belittled, patronized or put down will suffer lack of confidence. Mutual respect will foster trust and confidence.

Dealing with failure: If the child fails he must not feel a failure. Teach a child failure doesn’t exist, only temporary setbacks on the road to success. Never tell a child he has failed, let you down or cannot succeed. Be a mentor and help the child to believe in his or her ability to succeed no matter how long it takes!

Would You Like To Be Able To Find Harmony In Your Life?

meditation 8 year oldmed kid

How about 5 minutes a day of rest ? 10 minutes of peace? 15 minutes of renewal? 20 minutes of rejuvenation? You can have it all. Meditation can change the way you work……and change your life in the process. It has for me and I have been meditating for over 28 years……which is one reason that I am a calm and happy soul. If you would like  to be able to
find harmony in your life and tap into your inner source of strength and wisdom…..then read on…….what do you have to lose?

Meditation needn’t involve sitting like a Buddha in your living room burning incense and chanting OHM for an hour every morning—it can if you’d like, but let’s be realistic here. Start off small. Commit to five minutes out of your day. Sit quietly, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and just be present in your body, in the moment. It doesn’t need to be complicated.

I don’t care how busy you are…we can all spare 5 minutes for something that enhances our well being. I find the best time to practice meditation is first thing in the morning upon waking. Otherwise, life tends to get in the way. If you absolutely cannot fathom sitting still for 5 minutes, make it a moving meditation. Take your dog out for a walk and instead of running through your to do list in your mind, reliving an argument with your spouse, or composing your lesson plans, clear your mind and focus on your breathing. Thoughts will pop in…that’s normal. Just acknowledge them, release them, and re-focus on your breath and being present.

Once you have mastered the 5 minutes in the morning, add in another 5 minutes right before going to bed. It will help you to get a restful night’s sleep…something all of us multi-tasking, goal oriented, stretched-too-thin people are in direct need of.

Imagine a bucket filled with water. Now add some sand into it and stir it around. The water looks all cloudy and agitated. Allow the bucket to sit and be still for awhile and the sand settles to the bottom leaving you with clear water……Clarity.

This is a wonderful analogy for what meditation does for the mind. Its simplicity struck me.

The constant chatter going on in our minds causes us to miss out on what is going on in our present lives. We tend to either live in the past or in the future in our minds, constantly planning for events that have yet to occur or reliving events long gone by. When we make a habit of investing the time to quiet these thoughts and practice being present, we can think more clearly, be more productive throughout the day, and approach our tasks from a place of inner wisdom and mindfulness.

Living mindfully means living in harmony with yourself and the rest of the world—waking up and paying attention to the present moment. If we are not fully present, we risk watching our life slip on by unnoticed, failing to live up to our full potential. Mindfulness is basically the direct opposite of taking your life for granted. Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of Wherever You Go, There You Are, explains “to cultivate mindfulness, you may have to remember over and over again to be awake and aware”.

med pray2

How Do I Get Started?

Anyway you get started is good. Meditation is a deeply personal experience that needs to work for you. Experimentation is often the initial way people begin this process. Finding something right for you is important.

Don’t get caught up in having to follow a method or technique. As I have written before, it took me some time to find comfortable, doable ways to practice.  Remember, one of the important things (besides meditating) that you are doing in the doing of meditation is creating new neural habits as you establish a routine.

To help you to explore some ways to begin, here are some tips and resources to consider.

  • Establishing a time and place – This is very important. You want to maximize your success by finding a time frame and location conducive to your practice. While Jon Kabat-Zinn recommends starting with 15 minutes (long enough he says “to get really bored and antsy and learn to make room for unpleasant moments”) I suggest that even if you only begin with 5  minutes, it’s a good thing. You can always build to 15 as you progress and build those new neural habits. You don’t need an ashram or to be  surrounded by candles. You just need quiet. Once you grow in your  practice, you’ll be able to drop into five minutes of stillness in many different settings.
  • What do I  do with my body? Relax it – this is the key. It will take some time  to learn to let go and the place to do much of this work is in your body.  You begin with several deep slow breaths, ideally those that come from your belly. Closing your eyes is preferable. Uncross your legs with the soles of your feet touching ground (unless you are in a cross-legged posture). Rest your hands on your lap or at your sides. You don’t need to  have your hands in any kind of “mudra” like  position.
  • What do I do with my thoughts? Nothing – that’s the point. With mindfulness  meditation, you are simply noticing what you experience and not trying to feel anything differently. Too many people bail out because they don’t think they felt anything different or special. Mindfulness meditation is not about getting anywhere else except where you are. Thoughts will arise. “This is boring,” “Why am I doing this?” “This is a waste,” etc.  Feelings will come and go – frustration, impatience, even annoyance. Your  “task” in the moment of sitting is simply to allow, non-judgmentally, all the ways you distract yourself from being in the present moment.

meditation jah rasta

Tips On How To Be Happy~

happy best

Is there some secret that those who always seem happy are hiding? Not at all.

They just have a way of turning negative into positive. Below are a few ways you to can start bringing more happiness and less negativity into your life.

Take care of yourself physically. It’s much easier to be optimistic when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

Be thankful. Stresses and challenges don’t seem as terrible when you remind yourself of the things that are right in life.

Don’t Assume. Don’t waste time worrying that you did something incorrect unless you have evidence that there is something to worry about.

Don’t use absolutes. Thinking and talking in absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’ makes the situation appear worse than it is.

Think positively. Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don’t follow it.

Get and give hugs. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up.

Increase your social activity. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

Volunteer. Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

Don’t dwell on the negative. It’s never productive, because it’s not rational or solution-oriented; it’s just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment – go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

Practice does indeed make perfect. Before long, the above traits will become automatic. You will look back and realize how far you have come. You will have become one of the ones people look to for the “secret” of happiness.

How To Help Kids Manage Their Anger~

anger manage

A child’s feelings are more often than not displayed in their behavior.

While a child is angry they may smash their toys, yell or pitch a fit. Children are not always appropriately vocal about their emotions but their actions are often louder than words.

Anger management for kids is obtainable and is useful in dealing with a child’s troubles with rage. Teaching these skills may necessitate a little research and experimenting.

There are books, movies and an abundance of useful information provided by sites on the Internet.

A child will not profit from an adult anger management support group, nor will they benefit from taking an adult-style anger management class.

Their minds are not established a sufficient amount to candidly talk about their feelings. In actuality they may not understand what’s happening themselves. A counselor cannot wait for a child to open up and tell them what is making them angry. This may never happen.

Teaching them positive morals and tolerable conduct through a variety of games would be a great deal more successful than a one-on-on session with an anger management counselor.

Providing them with worksheets, coloring pages, puzzles and quizzes would make the anger management lessons more appealing and pleasurable. Children can in reality be participating in a program without in fact realizing it. Anger management is a difficult idea to make clear to young children.

A child needs to become skilled at how to act properly in different situations.

The have to know that it is absolutely fine to be upset but they must as well comprehend that this anger must not be used in a negative manner.

Teaching kids anger management skills near the beginning of life will provide building blocks for their future. Through repetitious activities and practices, kids will eventually learn anger management techniques.

Oooooh…….The Peace in Blowing Bubbles is Magical~

 

I took the time this evening to go outside and breathe deeply while I blew bubbles that the wind carried down my street. With each deep breath, I let go of stressors and wished blessings and support to some of the kids at school, a friend in need after losing her mom, all the people going through difficulties with hurricane Sandy, and I wished joy for the birth of my friend’s at work beautiful bouncing  baby boy. I took the time to listen and watch the joyful reaction of those walking the street below me, wondering where the bubbles were coming from, and to see just how far the wind would carry them.

I closed my eyes and took a breath and blew…and smiled as I realized I had found a place of peace and relaxation once again. All with the simple task of blowing bubbles in the wind. AAaaaaaah……see blowing bubbles is not just for kids.

Breathing deeply and calmly is a great stress reliever and it can be beneficial to get in the practice of doing this at a young age. Tell each child to close his eyes, to focus on his belly and imagine it being a small balloon. Tell the children to breathe in slowly and imagine the balloon bellies getting bigger. As they breathe out, tell them to imagine the balloons getting smaller. Repeat this 10 times.

 

Despite the stereotype that stress is a grown-up emotion, children also experience stress. Kids can be stressed about school, homework, friends, not having friends, parents fighting, other problems at home and many other situations. For children to grow up learning how to cope, they need to be taught how to relieve stress. This can be accomplished in the classroom by practicing stress-relieving activities.

Bubble blowing can be done indoors or outdoors. You might have more success indoors because outdoors can be distracting. Give a bottle of bubbles and a bubble wand to every child. Have the children sit down on the ground, blow the bubbles slowly and quietly. Encourage them to really watch and observe the bubbles.

We all need to take time out to relax. Whether we simply sit outside in the garden or on our building stoop and close our eyes for 10 minutes, or learn how to relax our bodies so we can release physical tension during the day, or before sleep, learning to appreciate and implement a short, useful relaxation/meditation exercise and incorporating mindful breathing can be very beneficial.

Relaxation techniques can often focus on breathing exercises. Slow & deep breathing can have an extremely calming effect on the body and this process also encourages you to focus specifically on your breathing so you don’t dwell on other potentially stressful thoughts. The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia advocates the use of bubbles to relax children before a medical exam or procedure. If a child is unable to engage in slow deliberate breathing on his/her own, adding a bubble wand to the exercise may offer the stimulation he/she needs to participate. If necessary, turn the bubble blowing into a game to see who can make the largest bubble. This encourages the child to maximize her control over her breath and remain focused on just the bubble, this basic and simple activity may lead to a less stressful health-care experience.

Children and adults alike may enjoy the recreational act of blowing bubbles and bubble wands and solutions are widely available and inexpensive (or a good old solution of water and dish soap). While blowing bubbles is entertaining for many people, it also provides some fantastic health benefits. You will more actively engage your lungs and respiratory muscles when blowing bubbles and this activity naturally stimulates your breathing, which can benefit some health conditions and is known to provide both a psychological & physiological improvement.

When you blow bubbles, your mouth, lips and respiratory muscles engage in a style of breathing called “pursed-lip breathing.” This is characterized by a narrower mouth opening and also resembles the type of breath you use to blow out candles. A “pursed-lip” exhale more thoroughly expels the “stale” air in your lungs, leaving room for fresh inhaled air and better circulation in your respiratory system

A simple Adult breathing exercise is below:

 

•Release Your Thoughts Exercise –

This simple breathing exercise will help you to re-establish calm breathing. It’s a great “quick-fix” exercise to get you through a stressed moment or an emotional situation.

Sit or lie in a quiet room with your eyes closed. Visualize your thoughts as a mass of bubbles and exhale slowly through your mouth. As you do this, imagine all those thought bubbles being blown away; you will already begin to feel more relaxed.If there is a specific thought or issue that you cannot stop thinking about, imagine a large bubble blowing up from your head. Visualize a “word” written across the bubble that represents this issue or specific thought. Then imagine taking a huge needle and bursting that bubble and see the “word” melt away in the mist created by the bubble bursting. Imagine yourself saying “I will not waste any more energy thinking about this now, I cannot solve this today. I am putting it aside and allowing myself to relax”.

 

So now pay attention to your breathing. Breathe deep, in through your nose in a long, steady breath. Feel your ribcage expanding out on either side, and lifting up – your lungs are two balloons that you are filling with fresh, clean air. Now breathe out slowly and evenly through your mouth, feeling your lungs empty and your ribcage slowly drop.

 

Stay clear and focused on your breathing and if your mind wanders, use the bubble bursting visualization and bring your attention back to your breath.

 

Stay with this exercise for as long as it is comfortable for you. When you’re confident and able to induce relaxation easily, you will be able to use it anywhere, whenever you might need it.

Teaching Your Child How To Manage Their Anger~

 

A child’s feelings are more often than not displayed in their behavior.

While a child is angry they may smash their toys, yell or pitch a fit. Children are not always appropriately vocal about their emotions but their actions are often louder than words.

Anger management for kids is obtainable and is useful in dealing with a child’s troubles with rage. Teaching these skills may necessitate a little research and experimenting.

There are books, movies and an abundance of useful information provided by sites on the Internet.

A child will not profit from an adult anger management support group, nor will they benefit from taking an adult-style anger management class.

Their minds are not established a sufficient amount to candidly talk about their feelings. In actuality they may not understand what’s happening themselves. A counselor cannot wait for a child to open up and tell them what is making them angry. This may never happen.

Teaching them positive morals and tolerable conduct through a variety of games would be a great deal more successful than a one-on-on session with an anger management counselor.

Providing them with worksheets, coloring pages, puzzles and quizzes would make the anger management lessons more appealing and pleasurable. Children can in reality be participating in a program without in fact realizing it. Anger management is a difficult idea to make clear to young children.

A child needs to become skilled at how to act properly in different situations.

The have to know that it is absolutely fine to be upset but they must as well comprehend that this anger must not be used in a negative manner.

Teaching kids anger management skills near the beginning of life will provide building blocks for their future. Through repetitious activities and practices, kids will eventually learn anger management techniques.

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